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How do you process all that goodness that is in you that you want to share with the world or with those you have a relationship? How do you give all that so that you can get want you need in return? Communication is a tough prospect given all the feelings and perspectives involved. Therefore, learning some ground rules in your communication process can help you get your message across and open the way for more and better effectiveness in getting your need met. Here are nine ground rules to use that will work for better communication and much better gains.
1. Test assumptions and inferences
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So, when you assume something, you are taking it for granted that it is true without verifying it. And, when you infer something, you draw a conclusion about what you do not know on the basis of things that you do know, which may or may not be accurate.
There are several ways to test assumptions and inferences. One is to ask, especially if it involves someone’s actions or feelings. Another way is to research several sources and always consider your source, even sources with a good reputation can put a spin on facts. And, does happen more often than you would think in scientific studies, which is why these studies are peer reviewed and analyzed through critical evaluation.
2. Share all relevant information.
Allow everyone to share all the relevant information she or he has that affects how you and others will solve a problem or makes a decision. Sharing relevant information or ‘being up front’ with what you know, ensures that members have a common base of information on which to make an informed choice and generate commitment.
It is important that others feel safe and never invalidated when sharing, remember those feeling and perceptive. You may not like what you hear, you may not believe what you hear and none of what is shared is ever set in stone. For instance, there have been times when I would say something I felt was relevant or important only to realize after saying it how it really didn’t fit the situation. This can be so helpful in weeding out erroneous thinking, but it has to get out there, be said, thought about and evaluated. So, it is very important to be able to share information in a safe and unbiased manner. As stated above sharing information is only a tool to use to help everyone solve a problem or come to a decision, but be respectful and listen.
3. Use specific examples and agree on what important words mean.
It is not uncommon for words to get misunderstood, especially in our modern world with so much slang and mix meanings of words, is it cool or is it hot, do you rock or are you like a rock, are you a nerd and is that cool or not? Therefore when it comes to being understood and understanding a serious conversation in the process of communication it may help to clarify your words, what you mean. Don’t make the other person guess.
4. Explain your reasoning and intent.
Using this ground rules means explaining to others what leads you to make a comment or ask a question or take an action. Your intent is your purpose for doing something. Your reasoning represents the logical process that you use to draw conclusions on the basis of data, values, and assumptions. Also, make sure you allow for others to explain why they said what they did, just as you want to be understood and given the time to explain your position, feeling or ideas. Communication is a two way process. See Communication Process Model.
5. Focus on interests, not positions.
Interests are the needs and desires that people have in regard to a given situation. Solutions or positions are how people meet their interests. People’s interests lead them to advocate a particular solution or position.
6. Combine advocacy and inquiry.
Combining advocacy and inquiry means expressing your point of view, which includes sharing your reasoning and intent and then inviting others to inquire into your comments.
7. Jointly design next steps and ways to test disagreements.
Jointly design next steps and ways to test disagreements means deciding with others what topics to discuss, when to discuss them, how to discuss them, and when to switch topics, rather than making a decision privately and unilaterally.
8. Discuss undiscussable issues.
Undiscussable issues are those that are relevant to the group’s task but that group members believe they cannot discuss openly in the group without some negative consequences.
9. Use a decision-making rule that generates the level of commitment needed.
Ground rule nine makes specific the core value of internal commitment.* It increases the likelihood of group members supporting the decision that is made and implementing it. There are four decision-making processes; consultative, democratic, consensus, and delegative.
These ground rules serve as a diagnostic frame, guide your behavior as a facilitator, and serve as a learning tool for developing effective group norms.
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